Some thoughts cross in my mind today. Which one will hurt most?
- The one that you love leave you because: (s)he is in love with someone else or (s)he is just stop loving you?
- Someone you trusted didn’t want you to get hurt, so (s)he is: telling you the lie, withholding the truth or just telling you the truth.
- Your bestfriend didn’t tell you her(his) story because: (s)he don’t trust you or (s)he thinks it’s better to tell someone else first.
Well, to me the second choice are the worst. Someone stop loving me (because they just stop it), someone withholding the truth from me (it’s worst than telling lies) and my bestfriend chose to tell someone else about her story because she thinks it’s the best for everything.
When I love someone, I want it last. I don’t want to find a better half then I already have. It may use reasons to start loving me. But I hope he never need reasons to stay in love with me. If he, suddenly, fall out of love from me, there must be a reason or something is missing. The reason that makes him love me that might be missing. And it’s probably because I’ve done something wrong, that unrepaireable and unforgivable. That might have just failed me.
Telling me lies and I might not talk to you again until I can fully understand your excuse and forgive it. Withholding the truth from me means lose my respect and trust for the rest of your life. I like to take the truth. Even if that truth is unbearable. I chose to take the bitter start then sweet ending than sweet start that lead me to bitter end. Just.. be honest with me, because I have some trust issues in my past.
I am nobody. I can’t force anybody to do it. Even my family and friends. If they want to tell me, it’s an honor. If they don’t want to tell me the story, it’s their choice. I won’t force them to do that. Just… Please leave me in the dark. Pitch black. It feels better than you give me clues but won’t tell me the whole story.
So… I’m sorry if I heard so selfish. But the truth is, I usually prioritize anybody else business than mine. And that things you told me today, is something that hits my mind. Am I already become a great friend to you? Or I keep showing my selfishness that keeping me failed for become a good friend?
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