Challenge Day #11: Talks About Your Siblings

I have 3 siblings. Two older sisters and one older brother (yes, I’m the youngest in my family). We used different name caller for each siblings. I called my oldest sister ‘Mbak’, my older brother 'Abang’, and the second older sister 'kakak’. Why? I don’t know. This just happen since I was little. And by using this different name caller, it’s easier for me to tell my mom and dad if we are talking about which one of my siblings.

So… My eldest. Me and my older sister used to say that she is the scariest on in the house (after my father). Back when we still young, she often yell at me and her big eyes stared at me whether I made mistakes. I understand that she was trained to be the role model for us. That’s why she went so strict with us. In fact, we always asking for her opinion through whatever issues we had because her opinion reeeeeaaaallly matters.

Next… My older brother. He is the only son in this family. So… Speaking from sibling rivalry point of view, he had the most favor from our father (even though he keep saying that our father treated him as hard as his other siblings). Because our unsolved sibling rivalry, we don’t have quite attachment like me with sisters. I don’t hate him. It’s just… There’s a lot of things I can’t understand about him. Even his wife sometimes can’t understand him.

And the last one is my older sister. We are 3.5 years apart. Back when we were little, she is my biggest enemy. She likes to tease me until I cry and told our parents.y mom used to say that 'everyday is a battlefield’ for me and my older sister. But now that we grow up, my oldest sister and my brother already married and living separate live from us, me and my sister grow fond together. Even people keeps saying that we’re look like twins (we aren’t. My sister has small, sharp eyes like an Eastern Asian peole while I have a big normal Indonesian eyes). Even though I still have a trouble disclosing emotion talk to her, we practically talk about everything everyday. We are more likely partner in crimes (even though we never do anything against the law). She is my wing (wo)man, and I guess I am hers.

Even though me and siblings geographically separated (except my older sister), we still like to talk about everything. Because communication is what makes us stay close with one another. We (well… I speak about this as myself, from my own point of view) learn from our parents what not to do to our siblings so we can have harmonious life until later. Because according to a developmental psychology book I read when I was a college student, sibling are the longest relationship human can ever had in their life span. So, we need to maintain a good relationship with them because we might rely on them the most in our life.

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Challenge Day #9: Write About Happiness

So… We are going to talk about happiness (again). No, I’m not hate it. In fact, it’s fun. But… I hope I’m not gonna find this topic again in the next challenges because I might running out of idea what to write about the same topic. And I might already put a spoiler on day 2 challenge, which I wrote about things that makes me happy. In the end of that post, I put a quotes from Julian Baker (One Tree Hill’s character) about happiness.

So… Happiness… According to this quote, hapiness is a state. If I’m not mistaken, when a word has -ness in it, it means it’s a noun. So Happy-ness is a noun word for happy (adj.). Why should I mention about this because how I see it help me explain about what I want to write (and how I think about it) here.

Happiness is a noun. Literary, it’s correct. But to me, happiness is a state. A condition. A condition which people meet something that make them happy. For example, my source of happiness is cat. Whenever I met cat, I might feel happy. That time when I can play or by just looking at cat is my happiness.

Do I want to feel happy most of the time? Yes, most of the time. Why most of the time? Because evolutionary theory mentioned that in order to survive, human must feeling varieties of emotion. That include sad, disguist, fear, etc. (Just watch the Pixar’s animatin movie titled Inside Out). How do I get my happiness? Search for my source of happiness. What If I can’t find them? I probably feel less happy. Less happy, it doesn’t always have to be sad. Just less happy.

Then… How do I know I feel happy or already find my happiness? Understand your body response on anything. There some typical responses happened on your body when you feel certain type of emotion. For example, smile or laugh is identical with happy, and tears is identical with sad. Even though in practice, tears can mean joy and smile can mean anger. But when you understand your own body responses, you might be able to distinguish these complications.

Also, scientifically, the memory can help you know whether you feel happy or other emotion. If you feel happy, then you are able to easily access (meaning remember and recall) happy memories. This is what they call as mood congruence learning. If someone can easily recall sad times, this may reflect that their emotion state is sad.

Is it bad to feel sad? I might say no, it isn’t. You need to feel sad sometimes (but not too often). Why? Because we need it to feel the contrast effect. Just like… How can you say something beautiful if you never see something awful. A short person wouldn’t call short if there’s no tall people. So does happiness. You won’t feel happy if you never feel sad. Sadness helps people understand what it meant to be happy and how to be happy (by avoiding things that can make you sad or, logically speaking, approaching somethings that can make you feel happy).

So, my point is… Try to understand yourself. Listen to your feeling. Acknowledge when you feel happy, what things that make you feel that way. When we can figure how to be happy, we will find our hapiness come more often than sadness. That way, we can start to enjoy this life.

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Challenge Day #6: Single And Happy

This apply to me :D

I don’t know if I can write this theme correctly because I’ve never been in relationship before. I can’t tell that being single means happier than in relationship or otherwise. But… If being single means I’m happy all the time rather in relationship, I said it totally b*llsh*t! (excuse my language)

To me, being single means I can explore everything by myself. I don’t have to asking permission to anyone to do anything I want (I still do it to my parents, it’s my role to do that). You know… I love watching movie at cinema alone. Others may say it’s sad and lonely. But it’s okay to me. What’s the point of having someone by your side during a movie when you enjoying everything alone? I know, it’s nice to have company when watched something (I sometimes go to cinema with my bestfriend or my sisters) but still, going alone sometimes feels more rewarding.

Also I think being single means I can learn so much about myself. You know there’s saying “you need to learn to love yourself first before learning to love others”. I still feel there a lot of things that I don’t understand about myself and if I involve with anyone, I might facing so much stress to understand everything. It’s not that I don’t want to understand anyone, I just think that I might not be ready for that.

BUT…

I need to add this. Being single doesn’t mean happy all the time. There was a time when I need someone beside me. Listen to my concern, help me ease all the hard time or just… exist (this might sounds funny, but sometimes someone existance can make you happy). I’m aware that being in a relationship allows you to share the weight of the problem with other and having double happiness you feel. And since we live in a world dominate with people who has great tendency toward extroversion, being single is a disadvantage. Yes, it’s society that make someone feel bad for being single, not themselves.

I’m totally agree with this quote. We need to stop looking at status as the indicator of someone degree of happiness. Relationship status doesn’t decide whether someone lives their life happily or not. It’s lie on their mindset. I have some mutuals that turns this mindset upside-down. Them in relationship means disaster and some of my mutuals that single already live their life to the fullest.

So… If next time someone ask to me “Single and happy?” I will answer

Depends

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